In the previous articles,“Metamedicine for Mother and Baby,” we have seen how symptoms can present in pregnancy that tell us about imbalances and disharmonious states in our emotions.
These states do not necessarily result in symptoms or discomfort or true pathology but may manifest in discomfort and problems, for example, “relational” in the couple and/or with the family of origin.
As Laura Gutmann explains very well in her book “Motherhood Between Ecstasy and Restlessness” with motherhood every woman “opens her heart and exposes it to misery, joy and insecurity, to situations yet to be resolved and understood.”
Here, then, it is precisely during pregnancy that many knots can come to the boil, thanks to this complete openness that every woman experiences in order to welcome and grow a new life within her.
We could say that pregnancy and more generally motherhood bring TRUTH.
Old wounds can flare up, whether in pregnancy, postpartum or even later, and in this article I would like to explain how the keys of Metamedicine® can prove invaluable to the evolution of mom and dad for their benefit and that of their child.
Here are some examples of Pregnancy and couple crisis:
It happens that after the first moment of joy when the couple discovers that they are “expecting,” harmony is disturbed and crisis sets in.
But where is this crisis coming from?
comes from very far away…it comes from her and his past, it comes from their personal dynamics, from their original relationships with their respective families.
Let me give you an example:
WHEN PREGNANCY IS NOT THE COUPLE’S BUT BECOMES A FAMILY AFFAIR
it often happens that the pregnancy is not of the couple but of the whole family – understanding her family + his family
this shared pregnancy becomes the object of attention, interest, interference to which the couple fails to put a stop while perceiving its “dangerousness.”
Why?
What prevents the couple from protecting their space?
The fact that the de facto couple does not exist, or rather exists, the two adults who have loved each other and chosen each other as life partners exist, but at the most important and delicate moments for them the two adults (his and her) abdicate in favor of their inner children and instead of proceeding on the journey to become parents they fall back into the dynamic of children.
And so she worries about not displeasing and accommodating with her family of origin and he as well, and if unfortunately the two families of origin “don’t like each other” …the couple crisis is guaranteed.
But what causes the couple to get lost like this? What makes two adults return to their world of “children”
So many things possible – again I formulate only a few examples
She, raised as the good obedient child to be loved and recognized especially by her mother, experiences due to illnesses much pain, physical psychological emotional. Several times in her life she thought of “rebelling” and stepping out of the role she was playing, tried to change cities, workplaces to get out of the maternal interference that so plagued her. But because of (or thanks to) the illness each time she found in her mother’s arms that physical and moral support she needed and that no man with whom she had had relationships over the years had been able to give her.
During the marriage she still experiences pain and illness and again does not find even in her husband the presence and support she needed. But mom is there – always.
Pregnancy begins in disbelief and a thousand difficulties, small losses, several times in the emergency room , a lot of fear, a lot of pessimism not to get any illusions and prepare for the worst. And from month to month although the pregnancy was clinically progressing well this disbelief (for having succeeded in such a beautiful and important feat) and the fear that something would go wrong made her live by clashing with her husband’s optimism and joy – these positive feelings from her husband were perceived by her as “he doesn’t understand me” – once again she felt misunderstood in the difficulty and once again she found in her mother’s arms the only safe place – although, as the price for that acceptance, she had to pay each time by swallowing very heavy criticism of her husband and their relationship.
He fares no better – happy in love and proud for this pregnancy he cannot tear himself away from mom and dad, his confidant friends and advisors.
Everything about the couple and the pregnancy is shared within the family and commented on so that when he comes home he brings his family world to his wife and not simply himself. He cannot break away from his family because there he finds acceptance and renown, while at home he finds a woman who herself awaits acceptance and recognition and thus cannot give him what she does not have.
Result: they think every day about separating and live this pregnancy like two children arguing to assert their reasons …without really realizing that there is another life between them that is growing and that transposes everything that happens outside.
Are these dynamics that you are familiar with? Is there anything familiar about this story?
I had the opportunity to work with them, individually, with Metamedicine®, to accompany them to explore and “heal” their personal wounds from the past – and it was very interesting (almost taken for granted) to see how basically their wounds were the same (we never meet by accident!).
And then , in the role of Doula, I was able to stand by their side supporting them in a journey aimed at building their family identity to welcome the new life.
In the next article I will talk about sexuality and how past memories recorded in our limbic brain can affect our experience of pregnancy and especially childbirth.
