Mother’s Heart … or Mom’s Ego?

Female 360° cycle, motherhood, fertility, menopause

Chronicle of a departure: mine

Accompanied by my mother and daughter I arrive at the airport well in advance

As we park the car, my daughter begins to say, with tears in her throat, “I don’t want you to leave.”

I was prepared for this eventuality (or thought I was): he had been repeating these same words like a mantra for weeks.

The apparent peace of the day before had deluded me into thinking that the emergency had receded, that tempers had calmed down, and that with a few small rituals (exchanging an essential oil or a thought to keep with us while away) we would greet each other peacefully

But all this did not happen

What happened?

hell! I would be inclined to tell you in the first line.

That hell that only an “out-of-control mind” can create

a hell of thoughts and emotions

the projection of a film of suffering of which, however, as I was at that moment completely identified, I was unable to perceive the “fatuity,” the illusion

Let me try to explain

My daughter, with her “I don’t want her to go” , represented all my fears of moving away …from her (?)

to put it bluntly, “the fear of getting away from her with the risk that something might happen to me on the journey.”


maybe …a little bit, but on closer inspection….a mother’s heart should be an open heart capable of raising her children in love and not in fear

the fear of leaving Theasofia, which has inhabited me in recent weeks (and which cyclically takes hold of me), is in truth, totally egoic

fueled by thoughts like, “If I go missing, what will become of her?”

means, in other words “if I am missing, how does she live?” “who will help her, who will protect her, how can she grow up happy if I am not there?”

Only now that I put them down on paper do I realize the folly of these thoughts

it’s like saying that I think I can be the only one who can take care of her, make her happy, control everything so that she doesn’t suffer etc.

Do you see the giant ego?

Can it still be called a mother’s heart?

I would say NO

What Theasofia did, with her laments, was to project out all this

Of course she put in her share: all this also fed her ego (which as far as fear of change is a black belt) and for more than 60, interminable, minutes my ego and her ego were bracing each other in this painful situation

While all this was going on, the mental, left in disarray, continued to energize by compulsively producing thoughts such as ” but isn’t he trying to save me from an accident by not starting me off?” “but isn’t it that I am giving her a pain that will mark her?” etc etc.

So much “unnecessary” suffering

and it doesn’t end there!

That day believe me, I managed to make a masterpiece 😛

I was able to project on multiple fronts!

in fact, in all of this my mother, an enlightened woman, a great traveler, able to fend for herself in all situations went completely haywire starting to harshly press Teasofia and attempting to “yank” her by force to leave quickly for fear of not being able to get out of the airport parking lot in time having already paid for her ticket; agitated and in high tension her mantra was “now let’s go because I’m afraid of being a prisoner here”

At that moment I couldn’t wrap my head around his state: but how? she who travels merrily around the world at the very moment that I would need help was going to go haywire ?

the whole thing ended after 60 minutes in which I tried all the relaxation and centering techniques I could with my daughter and a few hugs to calm my mom down

but to my eye very little of this has worked (clearly ..I would add)

The scene ended like this: we said goodbye to each other with my mother hugging my crying daughter and taking her away a bit by force praying that she would be able to not remain a prisoner and find a digitized way back home

I regret not having photographed them … I would have captured the “fear of being a prisoner” that is carried away, arm in arm, but also with some resolve, the fear of change and the need for control


after the first 15 minutes in which I needed to work off the accumulated emotions, a world opened up to me: coming back to myself, I clearly saw the movie I had been watching!!! my movie!

It only took a moment for me to “withdraw all my projections” and see clearly what I have been telling you: and then the tears flowed spontaneously in a mixture of joy/newfound happiness/fear dissolving

Most importantly, they came down Tears of love and deep gratitude for these two souls, that of Theasofia and that of Bianca, who put themselves at my service and allowed me to understand that I was again “sabotaging” myself and who gave me back the possibility (and the joy) of “flying”

I love them with all my heart


Written By Alexandra Francesca D'Alessandro

Also read.

Red Tent: the sacred space of women

What is the Red Tent The Red Tent is historically the sacred place of women, the place where all the passing moments such as the arrival of first menstruation, marriage, motherhood, menopause, illness, and death were celebrated. The red color of the Tent connects...

read more

Conscious childbirth = home birth?

I start from this question to bring you some thoughts with the "usual" goal of simply giving insights to everyone's personal reflections. There is much talk of "obstetrical violence," referring by this to all those practices and/or dynamics, typical of hospital...

read more


EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT FEMININE today. Disconnected, disconnected, confused, disillusioned more and more women feel that everything they have learned about the feminine has proven dysfunctional and disempowering. Lipsticks? Stiletto heels? Hypercurate? or...

read more