Learning and attention disorders: what happens in the emotional world of Mother and Child?
Very sensitive topics, which I wish to treat with the utmost respect and love they deserve.
More and more mothers come to me in counseling, bringing stories of their children who “can’t fit in at school or in other social situations.” With all their heart, they try to understand what is wrong and what their child’s special needs might be.
SPECIAL NEEDS: a technical definition that I would like to explore from a broader perspective, to look beyond the labels and reflect on the deeper motivations behind these terms. Mothers, like their children, are increasingly labeled, and I want to start talking about how these labels affect daily life and relationships.
The most common diagnoses that mothers bring to me are DSA (Specific Learning Disorders) and ADHD (Attention Deficit Disorder). These diagnoses often come with a mixture of relief and concern: relief because you finally have a clear answer about “what is wrong” with your child, but also concern about what the future holds.
Today I want to share some interpretive keys of Metamedicine and my practical experience with mothers who face what is sometimes a real ordeal. In addition, there are also adults who, carrying this label with them all their lives, ask for the chance to get rid of it.
The topic is vast, but today let’s try to lay some groundwork. If you’re interested, let me know in the comments, and we can create a dedicated space to explore it further.
Why do mothers seek diagnosis?
Let’s start with a basic question: what leads a mother (or parent) to seek a diagnosis?
Often it is the need to understand why her child is so different from others, or why he does not learn as well as others, or why he is more agitated than other children. But also the desire to help him integrate, to follow him in his studies, to be accepted, included, not only by the school, but by society as a whole.
And there is also another need: to understand who our child is and how we can best support them.
Different from whom?
We know: we live in a society that promotes homogenization, and today, more than ever before, embodied special souls find it difficult to bend to predefined standards. When a child has an evolutionary mission, he or she finds it even more difficult to adapt to this limited worldview.
That is why children’s diversity, now more than ever, is a reality we cannot ignore.
Today, however, I want to focus on the maternal and mothers: it is in fact mothers who bear a large part of the responsibility for this diversity. It is not a matter of blame, but of ability to respond to this “specialness.” It is true that mothers also often carry the burden of this “diversity,” because when they recognize that their child is special, they must then find a way to make him or her “fit in” with the outside world. And this is precisely where the pains begin.
The search for a diagnosis: a relief or a condemnation?
Sometimes, in order to get their children “right,” they look for a diagnosis that can provide an explanation for their behavior. Diagnoses, such as learning disabilities (DSA), dyslexia or ADHD, can bring relief to many mothers. The diagnosis finally offers a label, a “it’s not my fault,” an explanation that seems to bring order.
But what do we do, concretely, once we have this information? What is it that really changes?
Questions that Help Us Grow
Although diagnosis may bring a superficial understanding of the problem, I firmly believe that questions are what make us grow. Metamedicine, which is based precisely on questions, helps us broaden our vision and explore the deeper reasons for disorders.
For example, what do learning disorders such as dyslexia tell us? These disorders suggest a confusion, a lack of order. Now, if we think about how order or disorder manifests itself in families, we realize that there may be reversed roles within the family, or confusion in communications. A mother who denies her own pain to protect her child, for example, sends an ambiguous message, a message of confusion, which the child unconsciously perceives.
In disorders such as dyscalculia, the issue of order (or number disorder) becomes even more prominent. “How many of us are in the family?” is a question that can be confusing for a child growing up in a family where it is unclear where his or her family begins and ends.
A broader approach to life
What I would like to convey today is an invitation to consider a broader view of life and the problems we face, looking beyond labels and trying to com-prehend the deep roots of disorders and behaviors. If we do not truly understand what is happening, regardless of the diagnosis we are given, what will really change?
Attention disorders: fear and lack of confidence
As for attention disorders, these are often related to violent emotional states, such as fear or hyper-alertness. These children never feel safe, even within the home, which should be the safest refuge.
People who develop these disorders often come from very conflicted families or angry mothers who are unable to manage their anger, or who have experienced violence. In these cases, the child acts as a “trigger,” bringing out unresolved conflicts.
An integrated view: not blaming, understanding
My invitation today is to move away from blaming. We are not here to judge or find fault, but rather to understand what is going on in our hearts and families. If we open ourselves to a broader view, we can see how the difficulties we go through may be reflections of our past experiences, our repressed emotions, and not just “external causes.”
In short, every story is unique, and our growth comes through a deep understanding, an awareness of who we are, what we experience, and what we can transform.
If this reflection resonates with you, if you have other questions or would like to explore further, please leave me a comment.
